Tarriance Thursday!

I have hit a wall trying to write my geography paper and could feel the anxiety start to creep around so I am taking a break!

I went back and read some posts from my old blog, around the time I was in Jr. High and High School. I wrote a lot of dark things and overall the whole blog was kind of depressing. I don't want this blog to be a sad one but I also don't want to lie about my feelings. So today I feel a lot like this:

Mostly just because of the mountain of homework I need to get done but I have zero motivation to do any of it....

I tried to go to bed last night around midnight and I ended up just laying there feeling completely awake. So I stayed up as per usual and went to bed around 3 am. Insomnia is a tough habit to break. I might have to invest in sleeping pills. But those just end up making me feel tired in the morning. HA. I feel tired every morning so I guess it doesn't actually matter then.

I think that people often forget that anxiety can be just as much as a physical strain as it is a mental one. I'm constantly feeling the effects of fatigue, no motivation, headaches, fast heartbeat, and body aches. I just feel so exhausted all the time! I know that I need to get up and do some exercises but the thought of doing them makes me kinda sick to my stomach. But I'll feel better after I do some. The tricky part is getting out of bed. 

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow because I have to take Charlie to the vet and I know I'm going to have a panic attack from being there. I don't know what it is about being in a place that has doctors. I think its scary because when you go to the doctor you have the chance of coming back a lot worse off than you thought you were. Having already been under a lot of stress I don't know how much more I can handle. I just pray that he is going to be okay. 

Now i'm going to go try and finish up this paper....

UGH.