Motivation Monday

Today has been a good day so far. I am still trying to force myself to do mind-numbing homework but other than that I have not had any anxiety today. Its days like this that make me ask myself why I can't go out and get a job or go walk around stores? Obviously I'm doing okay! But even though I have good days and bad days, I need to remember that I still have a lot of work to do but having a good day makes me want to keep trying.

So today I am thankful for a day of peace.

It could all go to shit in an hour but i'm okay with that.

Dieting I think is helping my confidence. But I will say that it is terribly hard to not overeat. Not because I just love food so much but because it is my security blanket of sorts. It makes me feel whole and happy. Like if i'm sitting here eating then my mind takes it as "Hey, you must be doing pretty good. No need for any worries or panic right now." So I have to fight myself on going to the kitchen and just saying oh screw it and stuff myself until i'm sick. I know that it will give me INSTANT gratification but I know how bad i'm going to feel 5 minutes after and I can't afford to let myself feel like that.

I also think that now that I have a firmer grasp on what exactly anxiety is, I feel slightly more in control and well, not as alienated. I always knew that I had anxiety attacks and fear of people judging me, but I didn't realize that there are multiple types of anxiety such as Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety, Phobias, and PTSD. So a lot of things clicked in my head when I read more about my social problems with driving and working customer service. I have social anxiety! So that is why the thought of getting a job where I have to be face to face with people makes me want to hide under a rock. 

My plan is to go see a mental health doctor and get medicated but in the meantime I still need to get it back under control and that is with eating better, sleeping more, and exercising. 

I did try to do yoga today and it was rather comical at best...but I did feel a sensation of calmness spread through my chest. I think most people hold their anxiety in their chest area. So when I was able to stretch and just kind of let go for a few minutes, a lot of the pressure built up and gave way. So I'm going to try and do that more.

My goals for the week are:

1. Go to bed at a reasonable time. I'm going to aim for 12 am.
2. Get out of bed at a reasonable time. Before 9;00am
3. Eat a healthy breakfast.
4. Do yoga.
5. Make a schedule for the day-homework, eating, breaks.
6. Make all meals healthy and follow eating plan.
7. Drink 3 glasses of water a day at least.

So here's to following goals!!