Terrific Tuesday?

So today.

Today was not a good day.

I couldn't shake the feeling of nausea and fatigue. Just one of those days where it feels like you are trying to run away from yourself but you can't quite make it past, just lagging behind never catching a break.  

I'm not sure if it is because I didn't follow my diet, or just too much thinking on my part. I tried to move past my thoughts but overall I got tired of fighting with myself. I know also have the money I need to see a doctor about my anxiety. But I'm terrified. I don't know what to say...how to say it. I think one of my biggest fears is that people aren't going to believe me when I say i'm struggling. But I can't even hardly drive a car with out freaking out. I just want to enjoy my life. I don't want to be helpless. I want to be able to leave the house without a second thought or mental preparation. I just want to get through everything. 

I feel so lost. And helpless. I don't think I can do this alone. I know I can't do it alone. And I'm scared that I will never be strong enough and I don't know what that means for my future. I don't want to be medicated but I do at the same time. I just don't want to be a walking zombie. But a walking time bomb isn't nice either. So I have to choose whats going to be better. 

All I want to do is stay in my own little bubble. But I know that I can't live that way.

I guess I really don't know what to do.