Paleo Day 2: Can't believe I made it to day 2!

Hey blogpeople,

Success! I made it to day two without dying! Okay that is a little over exaggerated, but it was difficult. The hardest part about yesterday was not being able to feel full. I know that I had enough food, but my body was not recognizing it as a meal. My stomach was still waiting to be stretched by all the food it is used to! So the portions were good, just not filling up my entire stomach. 
People say that I am supposed to feel "good" but I don't expect to start feeling that way until the second week or maybe even third. I think that's why dieting is so challenging. People think that eating better is so easy but in reality, its not. So don't feel discouraged if your diet is not making you feel like a million bucks yet. There is going to be a struggle in the beginning, we have to stay strong and take back control of our body!
My body is addicted to sugar, fat, and corn syrup. As sad as that is, its the truth. What's even more sad is trying to find something that doesn't include high fructose corn syrup, maltodextrins, and sweeteners!! Seriously, there is almost nothing expect for fruits, vegetables, and meat. So if you don't think that there is a food epidemic then try finding food without added sugar and you will be surprised at what is available. 
Anyway rant over...
Last night I made a roasted chicken with fresh green beans and carrots. By this point I was so ready to eat some meat and feel full! Let me tell you, food never tasted so good! 





Looks delicious right?? Well it was! And it was super healthy and filling. It felt amazing to get a bigger portion of food in this belly. I have actually never made fresh green beans before (they've always been in a can...) or carrots. So if anyone wants to try doing it, its actually really simple. 

1.  Take some fresh green beans- I think we used about 1/2 lbs.
2.  Snip off the ends
3.  Measure 1 -1 1/2 cups of water
4.  Place the green beans in a sauce pan or skillet
5.  Add the water
6.  Bring to a boil
7.  Reduce heat to a light boil for 5-6 minutes depending on how crisp you like them
8.  Drain and rinse under cold water
9.  Add 1 tablespoon of butter (I used ghee and added minced garlic)

And there you have it! Yummy green beans that are crispy and fresh!  
If you want to try the carrots its a similar process. Just pour enough water over the carrots to cover them, add some sea salt to the water, boil for about 10-20 minutes (depending on how thick they are), test softness with a fork, if ready drain, add butter. 
I added a little bit of honey to the water just to bring out some sweetness. Some people boil the carrots with sugar and salt but I can't have sugar! So I went for the more savory carrots.  
The chicken was an oven bagged chicken that we got on sale. It was an organic chicken too! 
Dinner was a success and for some dessert later on I had some apple slices and a little bit of peanut butter. 

This morning we stuck to a simple breakfast that included scrambled eggs and bacon. I am also drinking lemon water!

  

 
Doesn't that make you thirsty???

  
Bonus Charlie wearing some flip-flops!

I'm going to make a smoothie soon, around 11:00 am and then Rob and I have to run some errands. For lunch we are going to have left over chicken and a salad with apple slices! Then we are going to go to Whole Foods and Trader Joe's. 
We will have to find dinner down there because its about 30 minutes from our house, hopefully something that won't be too bad for my diet. Then we have to go see a play downtown.
Nothing against theatre or plays but I really, really don't want to go see a play....but my theatre class requires everyone to go see (and pay for, thank you teacher) a live play.

I will post about what goodies we find! Hope everyone out there has a lovely day and don't forget to drink lots of water!     
  

 

Day 1 Paleo and Gluten Free

Hello blogfriends,

I just thought I would share how the first day of my diet is going. My initial feelings are:

• Hungry
• Tired
• Excited
• Good
• Refreshed
• Hungry
• Fresh
• Hungry
• Hungry

So as you can see, I am hungry! My body is not used to being only sufficient of fruits and veggies. I knew that the hungry feeling was going to be hard in the first couple days or even week. It does not help the cravings at all. Because when you feel hungry you just want to stuff your face! But the thing is, I am eating. I'm eating plenty of food. Its just not food that makes me feel really food and gross after so my body is like WTF?? Where's the real stuff? We aren't done until we feel bad about it! So I cannot wait for that to end.

For breakfast, around 7:30 am, I tried something I saw on Pinterest! 

Looks pretty good right? And easy to make?? WRONG.

First of all, when you crack open the egg inside the pepper the egg yolk runs right out from underneath it, and that's with hold the pepper down. Second, the egg doesn't cook! the top of the egg is still, idk raw, I guess you can say. I turned the heat down to slow cook them but the bottom was burning so I decided to flip them upside down!

This is what mine turned out like! They don't look anything like the pictures! So did they end up tasting good? Nope! The combination of already over-easy eggs and juicy peppers was the weirdest flavor and consistency. It was like eating watery eggs. So I will not be doing that again though I appreciate the idea, it's just not for me. The bacon was good though. 

For a snack around 9:30 am I decided to try out our new blender and make a green smoothie. I was apprehensive about the smoothie because I've never added any greens to one before.

So I used about 2 cups of frozen fruit (mixed bag had grapes, peaches, strawberries, and blueberries), 1 cup of water, a 1/2 cup of coconut milk, 1-1/2 cups of kale, and 1 whole banana (which technically i'm not supposed to have but I figured it would do more good than harm).

The taste was actually amazing. It tasted so fresh and delicious! But, it did not look fresh not delicious...

It was quite the funky color but taste really made up for it!

As I was drinking the smoothie I just felt so good. It was like I could feel my body absorbing all the nutrients and vitamins! I don't know it was just very refreshing! 

Around 11:30 am I wanted to have a snack so I prepared some apple slices (and by prepared I mean I bought pre-sliced apples and put them on a plate), and some lemon water. 

Around 1:00 pm I will probably make my lunch but I'm not sure what I will eat...I'm not looking forward to having a salad really so I might have some cold cuts and almonds too. I really just want it to fill me up so I can make it to dinner time when I make a roasted chicken with green beans and carrots!! I cannot wait for some meat to get in this body! Okay that sounds so wrong...

Anyway this is just day 1 and the biggest thing is just feeling hungry. After I eat I actually feel really good, it's just not full. Now I have to go do homework...*groan*

What is your standard?

Hey everyone!



I am currently putting off doing homework because I really, really, do
not feel like doing it. I thought that the assignment was going to be
simple and short but I have to actually end up writing a 2-4 page essay
and I'm just not feeling that right now...or ever. But I will get it
done eventually. Well, I have to its due tonight...

Anyways!
So my last post I talked about how I was getting real with myself and
decided to choose to start taking care of myself. I researched more into
what PCOS is and how it is directly effecting my body, my anxiety, and my
emotional state. Every youtube video I watched of women doing either the
PCOS Diet, the Low Amylose Diet, Gluten Free, Paleo Diet, Vegan, or
Vegan Raw Diet has been successful in not only regulating their cycles
naturally but also curing their PCOS and having children. Every woman I
saw testified to the diet they were doing and how much better they feel inside and out and I just got more motivated to do that for myself. 

I want to feel good and reduce my anxiety. I'm tired of being tired! And I want to have a good life, a healthy life. I watched a really awesome video that I will
put a link to that makes you question what kind of standard you are
giving yourself. Are you living up to your standards? And I thought
about this and the simple and quick answer was no. I do not hold myself
to any standard. I don't put my needs first, I ignore them and suppress
them. I don't challenge my mind or my body in any way. I try to do things
so that I don't have anxiety like drive or work but that doesn't make
me happy. Not being able to drive without anxiety or work without anxiety
makes me sad. And I don't try to overcome it I just try to avoid that. I
don't try to make myself healthy. I didn't think that I was good enough
to be a Vegan or anything like that. I just assumed that I couldn't do
it and that its not a good way to live. 

I have been very ignorant about a lot of diets like going gluten free or
being vegan. But I don't know anything about the matter I just assumed
that I was having a better life by eating meat and processed foods and
sugars. But I am not healthy or happy. They are. So who is really living
the better life?

I also did not think that I could do it. I don't know how to eat without sugar,
gluten, potatoes, and corn. I honestly don't know what I'm going to
cook or eat but I'm going to try and I'm holding myself to a higher
standard. And that is why I am going to do this diet, for myself. Yes it
is going to be very difficult. Yes I am going to have some bad days.
But in 3 months I KNOW that I will feel so much better. 

So to anyone out there reading this, ask yourself about your standard. Do
you have a standard? Are you holding yourself to that standard? Why not?
So I challenge anyone out there to start that change. Start helping
yourself instead of pretending like you don't have problems. Stop settling for a bad life. Make the decision today to choose YOU. 



 

Motivation Monday: Time to get real.

Hello blogfriends, 

As you can see from the title, things are about to get real in my life. As you can see from my previous posts, I suffer from anxiety and depression. Its something that I have dealt with for 10 years now. 

Having depression and having zero self-worth meant that I have never put myself first. I created a wall around me both literally and figuratively. The last time I remember actually being happy in my skin was 2nd grade. I was happy and didn't care about what people thought about me or my body. It wasn't a thing yet to be self-conscious or different. We were all just kids trying to have fun. 

Shit hit the fan in my life when my family moved and I went to a new school in 3rd grade. My step-father was bi-polar and self medicated with alcohol. It was at this age that it became very apparent. My childhood memories include being home alone, a lot, and  being very scared. I didn't know what my dad was capable of and when he was drinking he was very violent and loud. My mom worked 45 minutes away from home and the responsibility of watching my sister was all on me. Being a child and having to take care of a baby really messed me up. It messed up my relationship with my sister as well because I became her parent in so many ways. 

I often did not have anyone to talk to or turn to. Except food of course. I was home alone all day and food...food made me feel better. It has always been my drug of choice. I built up a wall of fat around myself because I needed protection. I didn't want people looking at me, talking to me, liking me, I just wanted to be invisible to everyone. I went through a lot of emotional abuse, sometimes physical. This was my life for a long time. 

I became overweight as well as my mother. She separated and divorced. I just want to say though, I did love my step-dad. I knew that he was not in control of his addiction but he loved me and he was always there for me. He was the one person who told me I was beautiful in my life. He passed away in 2012 and it was/is still really hard. I find myself wishing I could still talk to him but everything happens for a reason and as much as I accept that, it still hurts sometimes.

When I was 15 my biological dad decided to reach out. I had never known him and never thought I would, ever. He was always my mom's true and first love. After a couple years they decided to get back together and we all chose to try out this family thing again. My mother found a reason to get healthy. My senior year of high school she and I would go walk at a really awesome park that had insane hills. She lost a lot of weight. A lot.  She was healthy and in the best shape of her life. I was also having a good time in my weight lifting class and working out with her. I didn't notice it at first but one day I looked in the mirror and I saw that my body was different. I was actually sort of slim. Not where I wanted to be but I looked good. But I was still blinded by insecurity and no self-worth. I ignored the people around me telling me that I looked good because I didn't feel good. I still was that fat insecure girl on the inside and that's what they don't tell you. Losing weight is only half the battle. You still have to face your inner demons. 

Flash forward to today, 3 years after high school.  I started dating the love of my life and got too comfortable. I am at the biggest weight I have ever been, my anxiety has skyrocketed, I have no job, and no self-worth. I don't look in the mirror and feel happy. I feel bad all the time, I have no energy, and I have almost no clothes left that fit. I look at myself and think, God I am 21 years old and so unhealthy that I can't enjoy it. 

I want certain things in my life and they can't happen. I want to go clothes shopping and buy anything I see that is cute and not have to shamefully shop in the plus sized section, I want to have a child, I want to be healthy. I  have kept telling myself for over 10 years that I will get healthy.
Well today got real for me. 

After going through this year I  have decided that I am missing something in my life. A baby. Its not that I just want to have one because they are cute and whatever...its a much deeper need. I feel like I'm missing a puzzle piece, that my life is incomplete. I want to be a mother. I want to raise a child and be that role. I want to have a family. I have wanted this for a long time but now that i'm getting older I feel it so much more now. I have dreams about it, I become instantly sad when I see people I know who are pregnant. I know that I will be an amazing mom. There are people out there who say, "oh you can't possibly know that, having kids isn't what you think, its really hard..." I KNOW that I am going to be a good mom. I KNOW that having a baby doesn't solve all my problems, and I KNOW that it will be hard. 

TMI warning!

My whole life I have never had a regular period. In 2013 they stopped all together. I took birth control for a year and had regular periods. Some of the good things that happened was my acne went away and my hair was healthier. However, I had a yeast infection every month, a week before each cycle. I was miserable and in pain almost everyday. I stopped the birth control a month ago and the pain has gone. But, my face has broken out and my hair has started to fall out again. The doctor I went to gave me little help or explanation but wrote me off having PCOS. 

She told me that If I lose weight I will get a cycle again. Though I know that its not going to be that simple or easy. 

Well now its 2015 and all I have managed to do is gain weight and dig myself deeper into the self-pity hole. I want to have kids in a couple years and to do that, I need to be healthy, happy, and have a cycle. So I began to research my options and I found a plan. That plan however requires me to have a lifestyle change. I want to stop making excuses for myself. I want to be happy 6 months from now when iv'e reached my goal weight loss. I'm tired of wasting my time on this earth unhappy. I'm only going to be in my 20's once and I'm sitting around wasting my good years. I am going to take control of my life. Today is the day I stop making excuses. Its going to be hard. So hard. Food has been there for me when no one else has. But I want to start a family and feel happy about myself. That is something that food cannot give me. So I am breaking up with junk food for good. I have a plan and i'm going to do it. I have to. Its time to be real with myself. 

I'm sorry for the long post, if any of you made it to the end, thank you for reading. 

Catching Up

Hello everyone out there in blog land that actually reads this blog!

I have been gone for a couple months now because my life kind of got really busy, really fast.

Last month I was able to go to Florida and visit with my parents and sister
for about 3-4 weeks. My brother and boyfriend were with me in the
beginning of the trip for about five days and then they had to go back
home and go back to work. So I stayed a little longer to catch up with
my family and I really needed that little break from my life to come
back to sanity a little bit.

I feel so thankful for everything that has happened in the last year.
Every challenge I have had to face head on definitely has brought me into a
good place today. I am a firm believer in a lot of bad things happening and then finally, at the end of that upward battle, there is a long awaited moment of
peace and happiness. I feel that is just how life works. That bad things we go through happen so we can grow as a person and realize that we are strong and can get through a lot of shitty things and come out on top.

Right now I am in a very good place.

It feels very odd and foreign for me to be able to say that I am content.

And maybe that's the way it is with other people who have depression,
anxiety, or other mental illnesses. Its very rare that I feel in control
in my life. 

Its not like all my problems have disappeared over night because they haven't.

I still have things that need to get done but right now, everything is okay.

I look back at the last year of my life and it was absolute chaos. I felt
like I was drowning in my own self-pity and lack of self-worth. I had almost zero confidence in myself of what I was doing. The guilt that I felt was overwhelming and it really brought me down and I know that it brought Rob down with me at times. 

Now that the dust has settled, I can see just how strong Rob and I are and how strong we are as a couple. I don't think there's a lot of young people today in relationships that can go through what we have and come out even more in love that before we started.

I am so thankful to have a partner that is so patient with me and my struggles.

He would do anything for me and I honestly don't know why I deserve someone so special in my life. But I also realized that I wasn't giving myself enough credit because Rob is the person he is today because of me always encouraging him and pushing him to find his true potential.

We both continue to grow with each other every day and I am so happy that we are able to just mesh together the way we do.

I owe a lot of my new happiness to his strength in me.

Tomorrow I may not feel as happy or content like I do today but I am happy to have had at least one day that made me feel this.

Its a really special gift that I don't take for granted.

School is starting tomorrow and I know that it will cause me stress and anxiety but I will get through it. And I will continue to choose to work on being happy than to sit and dwell about everything that is bad in my life.